I apologise in advance for the rant… please forgive me.

Well, here I am again… up against the ‘oh so familiar’ brick wall!  It’s been a hard month, and I find myself unable to paddle against the current at the moment.  I have been here many times, and I keep telling myself I will move past it, however when I’m here I can never believe it will end… I guess I have to try and practice some faith.

Although my specialist has treatment options for me to try, they are so expensive which presents another problem.  I should say bigger problem as this problem already existed.  And how do you decide between making yourself more broke (if that’s possible) and choosing not to persue treatments.  I am also not looking forward to the fun little game I call “test the medication” as so many react badly with me, with what he’s suggested at least one or two will likely be a problem.

On top of this and other things, I missed a really important wedding on the weekend, and I am absolutely devastated!  My hubby’s brother (L) and his (now) wife (A) were being married and hubby was the best man.  Not only did I miss a family wedding I really wanted to share with them, but I also missed my husband standing up with his brother, reading a message from L to A, and doing a speech.  I wanted to share in his pride, and show my pride for him.

Aside from that, I feel a great sense of loss in not getting to meet A’s family and be part of that ritual of families merging.  They don’t even know I exist!

Sometimes it just really sux!

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